Forgive me for I have sinned...

I feel like one of those televangelists who gets caught with their pants down at a cheap motel with a one legged lady of the night.  Except my pants are bursting at the seam and my one legged lady is a beer and a hot slice of pizza.  Yes, forgive me, for I have sinned and have fallen off the wagon.

I've realized one thing about myself. I LOVE FOOD. And the fat guy I once was is itching to get out and give me a hard time.  Well, sad to say that he has half way succeeded and I'm starting to get really irritated.  A friend once told me to hold on to the fat clothes I used to fit into, because I might need them one day.  Little did I know that he was right.  Even after I swore that I would NEVER go back and threw away most of them, I still held on to a few pants and shirts that I once wore "just in case".  Well old friend, you were right.  I'm not saying I'm fitting into the size 42's and XL's, but I'm now wearing my in between clothing that I bought during my transition. Long gone are the days of my size 31 pants and Small sized shirts.

How did I get here and how can I stop?

Well, I have to admit...a big part of it has been the suds.  Oh how a nice cold draft can really soothe me after a long day of dealing with idiots at work.  But with that comfort comes hundreds of empty calories that I never used to put into my body.  On top of this, I'm no longer staying away from processed foods, sugars and carbs.  I'm not eating anything compared to before (4 items at Taco Bell and a slurpee) but I'm also not controlling my eating habits or staying away from high calorie foods.  Do I work out? Sure I do. I lift weights just about every day, but what good does weight lifting do when you don't have a cardio regimen to shed off the weight so you can see the results.  When I flex, I see what's underneath.  I can definitely feel the muscles and the density of them, but the beer and sandwiches are clouding their definition.

It's not often someone who has a blog dedicated to weight loss and fitness can sit here and type this, but I've come to terms that I will never be someone who can sit back and stop fighting.  I will forever battle obesity, it's in my genes.  Like a diabetic who once diagnosed always needs his insulin, I as a "fat man" will forever need to deal with weight gain.  Which means that I will need to eat better and workout until the day I die.

Sometimes I talk to people that are 120lbs and tell me "i WISH i could gain weight". Part of me wants to sock them right in the eye, but another part of me realizes that we fight the same battles.  We all want our body to look and feel different than it is.  Whether we are 100lbs or 300lbs, we strive to feel and look our best whether it be for others or for ourselves.  However, the obstacles are always present. Whether it be a metabolism that works too fast and burns all our mass and muscle, or one that works very slow and does not produce any results towards our fitness goals.  But whatever the obstacles are, we must stop making excuses.

My excuses have been everything from "I'll get on it next week", "I have a trip coming up", "It's too cold to go to the gym", "My back hurts", "I worked too hard to not have this beer and cheesy treat".  Well, it's time to go back to the old me and see what I can regain.  So tonight, for you followers out there who have read my blog in the past, I am going to make a pact:

Starting on Monday, December 5th, 2010, I will start back on my healthy eating regimen and constant workouts.  My goal is to lose 40lbs by March 25th, 2010.  That is roughly 10lbs a month and about 2-3lbs a week.  Hey, I've done it before and I can do it again. I will blog my progress as often as I can and will post some pictures and workouts.

I'm sorry that I have failed all of you, but mostly, I'm sorry that I have failed my self and my body.  However, here's to a new start and another journey in weight loss and healthy living!!

Yours,
J